Pain, Fear, Aggression, Revenge & Forgiveness

Comment

Comment by Shaida Johnston on February 22, 2010 at 9:34pm

Cynthia, it's most interesting (and delightful) that you suggest a 12-step approach. I was once bemoaning the lack of depth and self awareness in our discussions on race and expressed a craving for courage in the face of the obvious fears the congregation needs to get past. The response to me was "you're probably only going to find that kind of honesty in a 12-step program"! I do not want to make a joke of this though, because I have a great deal of admiration for anyone who can truly take a moral inventory of themselves and their lives and THEN follow up and make amends to those they have hurt. It's amazingly healing stuff. I do think that there are some of the 12-steps that can be used by individuals to get to a more honest place. And of course we need to create a safe space for those who are willing to do that most difficult personal work.

Comment by Becca Lovelace on February 13, 2010 at 8:21pm

Thank you, Cynthia. I do know there is a group in DC that focuses on "Racial Sobriety." Being very familiar with the success that the 12 Step approach can bring, I have been curious about it.

Thanks to Rev. Mary, I have been reading Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh. She lent it to me when I told her a friend I had confided in about our hard work towards a unified multiracial, multicultural community. When I shared about the challenges that arose in the process of what was intended to be a caring discussion about the People of Color Caucus Vision Statement, she said that Thich Nhat Hanh teaches that when someone shares that they are suffering, possibly in reaction to you, the enlightened and caring response is to say "I am so sorry that I may have done something that made you suffer, please tell me more." This is not an exact quote from Thich Nhat Hanh, because I have not located it yet. Rev. Mary told me that ANGER Wisdom for Cooling the Flames is the book where my friend's memory of that lesson from Thich Nhat Hanh comes from. I, like you, want to say "I am so sorry for anything I may have done (or more likely may have not done) that would cause suffering for people of color in our congregation and for our congregation as a whole. I am not trying to bear a burden of guilt, but rather to respond with caring and compassion to the pain I feel within myself and in our congregation. My greatest concern is the toll this has taken among a number of leaders of color in our congregation. Somehow their leadership activities have left them more drained than energized. I wonder if this could be different if the heavy lifting of these issues were more greatly shared throughout our congregation. I see it like the issues of consumption of non renewable resources vs. renewable resources. Have we collectively responded with deep compassion to the suffering that has been shared in our midst? If not, can we all take more responsibility for the heavy lifting of these struggles which afflict us all. These struggles are not our inventions. They are the inventions of forces that would rather see races and classes not unite for our common good. The false construct of race was invented for that very purpose, to keep us from identifying with one another in contrast to the ruling class in this county. We are all suffering from this and we are all in need of compassion (particularly self-compassion) to step out of this trap.

To be continued?...